


Strange Bedfellows

by imaginarycircus



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Episode Tag, Humor, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-18
Updated: 2011-10-18
Packaged: 2017-10-24 18:11:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginarycircus/pseuds/imaginarycircus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Danny gets kicked out of his apartment, Steve ends up taking him in. Episode tag to 2x05.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strange Bedfellows

**Author's Note:**

> A slightly different version was originally posted [here](http://imaginarycircus.livejournal.com/661022.html).

"This is going to end in tears," Kono says under her breath so that only Chin can hear as they pack the rest of Danny's belongings into Steve's truck.

"What? You don't think those two crazy kids can make it work?"

Kono answers by laughing and when Danny asks what's so funny she just shakes her head and keeps laughing.

"It's nice of Steve to take you in," Chin says, somehow keeping a straight face.

"He's living in a four bedroom house by himself. Even he can't sleep in four beds at once," Danny says and is bewildered when that makes Kono laugh even harder. Chin has to pound her on the back.

Danny crashes in Steve's old bedroom, which is still full of Steve's old things and feels haunted by the ghost of adolescence. He sleeps really badly because the mattress has a lump in it. When it's light he lifts up the mattress and finds a twenty year old copy of Playboy hidden underneath it.

He marches downstairs and hurls the magazine at Steve, who is standing in front of the blender in his swim trunks.

"Wow. Where did you find that?" Steve thumbs through the thing and doesn't notice Danny practically vibrating with rage.

"I am not sleeping in your old room anymore. I am sleeping in the guest room."

Steve just looks perplexed while Danny moves himself into the guest room and refuses to discuss the matter. And he absolutely does not think about Steve, a younger Steve, getting hot and bothered and yeah. He just doesn't. At all.

"Why were you even looking under the mattress?" Steve demands and gets into the driver's seat of the Camaro to drive them to work.

"I could tell there was something in there. The bed was uneven."

"You could feel a magazine through a mattress? Oh. My. God. You're the princess!"

"Did you just call me a princess?" Danny feels his fingers itching for Steve's throat.

"Yes. You know. Like the fairy tale? 'The Princess and the Pea'." Steve smirks.

"Fuck you, McGarrett. Fuck you very much." And Danny refuses to speak to him for the rest of the day, but forgives him when he apologizes and they drink so many beers they pass out on the lana'i and wake up with terrible stiffness in bodies too old for that kind of shit. Steve trudges off to the shower and leaves Danny to make coffee.

"Danny!" Steve yells from the shower. And Danny rolls his eyes, but carries his coffee and a piece of toast upstairs and says, "What?" through the closed door.

"Did you use all the shampoo?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry about that." Danny actually feels contrite and like he should have used half as much as normal, but he would have had to put it back in the bottle after it all ran out into his hand when he squeezed and that was just too much trouble.

Steve swears a whole bunch and Danny goes back down to the kitchen for a second cup of coffee, which he is glad about later because they catch a case right away and are running all over the island. And Steve keeps getting funny looks from Chin and Kono all day.

Finally he snaps and yells, "What are you staring at me like that for?!"

"Your hair is different," Kono says.

"But it's not bad," Chin adds quickly.

"Well, it's--" Chin elbows her in the side and she coughs. "It's nothing."

All the way back to Honolulu Steve keeps checking his hair in the rear view mirror. He huffs several times and gives Danny a pointed look.

"Fine. Stop at the store and we'll pick up some shampoo. OK? We need bread and beer and something for dinner anyway."

Steve turns on his blinker and starts to turn into the Whole Foods parking lot, when Danny grunts in disbelief.

"What?"

"Why do we have to shop here? They don't have normal peanut butter, or cereal. Everything is whole grain," Danny says and wrinkles his nose.

"They have nice organic produce," Steve says. And Danny doesn't argue because he knows Steve wants to buy ingredients for his manky morning sludge shake of doom.

Steve spends about nine years in the produce aisle feeling up all the melons and asking Danny if he wouldn't like a nice mango in a wheedling tone that is eerily reminiscent of his paternal grandmother trying to get him to eat prunes. Steve fills their cart with fruit and then they move on to vegetables. Danny rolls his eyes.

"I'd like to get out of here in time for Grace's high school graduation, Steven."

"Danny. Grace is in fourth grade."

"My point exactly," Danny says and starts eating grapes out of the bag in the cart. He can tell Steve disapproves, but thankfully the man is learning to pick his battles.

"You really need to eat more fresh vegetables, Danny." Steve picks up a bunch of broccoli.

"I hate broccoli."

"You need more fiber in your diet. I know you do. I share a bathroom with you."

"We are not having this conversation at all, but especially not in public," Danny hisses under his breath and smiles and a nice older lady putting loose carrots into a plastic produce bag. (She goes home and tells her husband about the adorable newlyweds she saw in the produce aisle at the market.)

"We're getting the broccoli and you're going to eat it," Steve says and throws it into the cart.

"You can't make me eat things," Danny says, not caring that his pitch is soaring.

"I'm just worried about your colon health," Steve says. "Is that a crime?"

"You did not just say that."

"Well, excuse me for worrying about my partner's colon. Excuse me for not wanting you to get colon cancer and drop dead." Steve stalks off to look at some watercress.

Shit. Steve lets Danny live in his house for free and just doesn't want him to get ass cancer. Danny shuffles over to Steve and says, "Look. I'm sorry, OK? I just haven't been getting enough sleep. I keep waking up in the dark when you come in from swimming and start using the blender. It's like torture. I hear the blender and I want to scream."

"Well, I wouldn't be getting up so early if your snoring wasn't keeping me awake. I can hear you when I'm outside and under water. You really should have your schnoz looked at by a doctor. I think it's broken."

They may or may not get thrown out of the store for throwing clementines and miniature pineapples at one and other. They eat pizza for dinner and both go into work with weird, greasy hair the next day. Steve goes to the drug store at lunch and returns with ear plugs for Danny and six bottles of shampoo. Peace is restored.


End file.
